i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
