she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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