eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
