I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
