Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
