It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize