he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
