well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
