My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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