last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
