Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
