Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
