Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize