this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
