oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
