Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
