Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize