Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
