quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
