you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
