I wish I could punch you in the face.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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