the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have feelings that need drinking.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
