Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
