every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
