She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
