just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
