dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
