glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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