would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
