I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize