it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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