is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
