glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
