I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
