I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
