Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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