Are we in a gay sports bar?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
