Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
