Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
