Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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