Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
