Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
