guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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