as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize