One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
