hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
