You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
