holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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