just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
