Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
