my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
