I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
