I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
