Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
