If that was your dad, he is hot
one two three fourrrrnication!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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