I want to make a zoo with you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
