that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
