that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
