yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
