I'm going to rape someone's good day.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
